i love how all the free food in the refrigerator at work has little names taped on it
ooh a friendship bracelet!!! oh my it’s silver, you really shouldn’t have. wait uh it’s a little tight
"you’re under arrest sir"
and on the 32nd day, god forgot to renew his free trial and was charged for another month
You see these arms? *flexes* wii sports resort
you were named after two of the bravest men i ever knew, danny devito godzilla
pro tip: replace all the mirrors in your house with pictures of leo dicaprio and boost your confidence level at least 150%
she did not friendzone me she just saved our relationship as a draft